Fitting In Is Overrated

Fitting in is Overrated

This post was not part of a big plan. I was not sitting down to define the next chapter of my work or trying to turn grief into something meaningful. But as everyone says, it happens, or it is happening everyday, every minute, every second. 

It was a hard day. Hardest since I lost my dad. 

And somehow, it made me want to come back to Her Leadership Playbook. 

So today, I started thinking again about what's next for me and what I do know now that I didn't before. I know now fitting is extremely overrated. 

And I think this thought has a lot to do with my dad. He was never the regular version of any profession or role he took on. He was a teacher, but not the kind you could easily describe in one sentence. He was a father, but never conventionally or predictably.  He was a musician and composer, even when that was not the title the outside world gave him. He wrote songs. He turned advice into poetry. He could say something ordinary in a way that stayed with you for years.

He made every role his own. He was not interested in being easy to categorize. And now that he is gone, I keep thinking about how much time we spend trying to make ourselves understandable to other people.

We choose titles that make sense.

We perform roles in the expected way.

We make ourselves smaller, simpler, or easier to explain.

Sometimes we do it for so long that we stop noticing.

Grief changes your tolerance for that.  At least, it has changed mine. I do not have much energy left for pretending that something fits when it does not. I do not want to return to work as the version of myself people already know, just because that version is familiar.  I am returning. But I am not returning unchanged. 

After the summer break, a lot will start moving.  The new HLP website is officially beginning.  New offers and resources are taking shape. I am slowly finding my way back to work and my PWN responsibilities. 

A lot has been cooking on the side. Actually, cooking is probably too quick a word. These ideas have been fermenting for the past three months. Some of them began before my dad died. Some changed completely afterwards. Some no longer feel relevant at all.

That is the strange thing about grief. It does not only change how you feel. It changes what matters, what sounds true and what you are willing to keep carrying.

I am not trying to turn this into a beautiful lesson. I would rather still have my dad. But I can also feel that something in me has shifted, and I do not want to ignore it.

Her Leadership Playbook has always been about leadership on your own terms. Now, that idea feels more personal than ever.

Maybe leadership is not about fitting into the room.

Maybe it is about entering the room without leaving half of yourself outside.

Maybe it is about refusing to become the regular version of a role.

My dad never did.

And today, as I begin again, I think that is one of the things I want to carry with me. 

Do not become the regular version of the role. Make it yours.

With love,

Pınar Founder, Her Leadership Playbook

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Her Leadership Playbook | Where Purpose-Driven Leaders Grow

A space for coaching, clarity, and connection. Her Leadership Playbook by Pınar Oktar helps you lead, grow, and thrive with community support. You don't have to figure it out alone. Join a community of leaders building confidence, purpose, and real impact together.

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