Language and Beyond

If I ask you which language you speak, you will have a clear answer. English. Turkish. Spanish. Maybe more than one. (Very good!) But if I ask you how you speak, the answer becomes less certain.

We rarely notice the way we use language. The way we use the language is the words we choose, the tone we carry and the stories we repeat. And yet, this is where so much of our inner world quietly reveals itself.

This is almost a daily discussion between me and my husband, so thank you for the inspiration, partner!

Language is a mirror of how we experience life, especially when it comes to emotions. Many of us speak about emotions as fixed states. I am anxious. I am frustrated. I am stuck. These sentences sound factual, almost permanent. Over time, they start to feel like identities rather than experiences.

This is where linguistic reconstruction of emotion becomes powerful. This is a technique used in ontological coaching and it sits in the middle of my daily routine. It invites to slow down and ask different questions.

My favorites are:

·       What does this emotion actually mean for me?

·       How am I describing it to myself?

·       What story am I reinforcing every time I name it this way?

When we change the language around an emotion, we often change our relationship with it. Anxiety becomes a signal rather than a threat. Frustration may become information. Fear may reveal care, readiness, or responsibility. Nothing about the situation may change, but how we interpret it does. And that shift creates space to choose differently, to respond instead of react, and to reconnect with ourselves and with others in a more open and honest way.

Language shapes experience. And beyond language, it shapes connection. And in today’s world, that is something we all need.

A short reflective exercise:

Below are simple steps to this exercise. Before you start, please keep in mind that You do not need to fix anything, this exercise invites you to just notice. Often, awareness is the first opening.

1.       Think of an emotion you have named frequently this week.

2.       Write down the exact words you used when describing it to yourself or to others.

3.       Notice whether the language sounds permanent, heavy, or absolute.

4.       Then try to rewrite it as an experience rather than an identity.

5.       Ask yourself what this emotion might be signaling, protecting, or asking for.

6.       Observe what shifts when the words change.