The Forgotten Leadership Skills: To Care, to Listen, to Understand

by Selin Guler

What comes to mind when we talk about leadership?

Setting goals.

Tracking performance.

Managing crises.

Delivering results.

But what about caring, listening, and understanding? These are the things we rarely speak of… yet they’re at the core of what true leadership means. And in challenging times, it takes real intention to hold onto that truth.

There’s something we seem to forget lately: we’re all human beings.

Leadership, at its essence, is staying human – not just in good times, but under pressure, in crisis, in success, and in failure. In every situation, choosing to stay human. Or perhaps more accurately, leadership is the courage to stay human.

That’s leadership in its purest form. But somewhere along the way, buried under systems and deadlines, this simple truth gets lost.

What Does “Leader” Truly Mean Beyond the Title?

Ideally, a leader inspires, builds trust, and shows the way. Let’s be honest though – in real life, leadership often looks more like…

Approving vacation requests

Signing expense forms

Asking about KPIs

Requesting reports

Tracking outcomes

We become task managers, system enforcers, deadline drivers. And yes, that’s part of the job. But here’s the question that really matters: Can we still see the person behind the process?

That vacation request? It might be someone’s long-awaited breath of relief.

That expense? Maybe it’s a child’s school fees.

That KPI? It might carry someone’s invisible hours, late nights, and quiet dedication.

Leadership begins when we choose to lead people – not just manage systems.

Why This Matters

Because now, we have the data to prove what we’ve long suspected.

Harvard Business Review found that nearly 90% of what sets high performers apart from peers with similar technical skills comes down to emotional intelligence.

In short – when skill is equal, emotional intelligence makes the difference.

Gallup backs this up too: Teams led by emotionally connected leaders experience 63% less turnover.

So let’s stop calling empathy and connection “soft skills.”

They are leadership differentiators.

They shape not only teams – they shape culture.Leading should involve not just minds, but hearts.

“This Is Work, We Don’t Have to Love Each Other.”

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard this. I still don’t agree.

Just pause for a second. We spend 40 hours a week together. That’s 160 hours a month – thousands each year. Side by side.

How can we do that without trust? Without connection? Without care?

When walking into work doesn’t fill you with dread…

When you feel seen…

When you feel safe…

Even the hardest day becomes more bearable.

And this isn’t just about how we work today. It’s about the kind of leaders we’re shaping for tomorrow.

A Leader Who Listens Leaves a Mark

The way we lead today? That’s how our teams will lead tomorrow.

And sadly, I’ve seen too many people carry wounds from past leaders. People who now hesitate to trust, to speak up, to take space.

No one should have the right to create that kind of damage. Quite the opposite. We have the responsibility to be the kind of leaders who help others heal, grow, and thrive.

Leadership isn’t a title. A true leader inspires, influences, and guides – with or without a formal role.

Love + Respect = Lasting Trust

Some may call this naive. Or too soft.

But here’s what I’ve learned.

People don’t cross boundaries because they love you. They stay respectful because they feel safe with you. When people feel truly connected to their leader, they carry the weight with you – not because they have to, but because they want to.

That’s what real leadership looks like:

Not distant, but not too familiar.

Not cold, not performative.

Balanced.

Kind.

Consistent.

Human.

My Own Practice

Every week, I make space for reflection.

A quiet coffee.

A notebook.

Just me and my thoughts.

And I ask myself: Who did I really listen to this week? Who did I support? Who might I have unintentionally hurt?

No charts. No dashboards.

If I Had to Write a Leadership Recipe…

Ingredients:

2 parts trust

A big scoop of care

Plenty of listening

A spoonful of self-reflection

A daily dose of empathy

And a sprinkle of “I’m glad you’re here”

Cook time: Every day. Every week. Every year.

The texture sets slowly, but when it does, it becomes something real.

Something resilient.

Final Thought

Leadership isn’t just about giving direction. It’s about walking the road together.

And at the end of that road, if we’ve led with humanity, we leave behind more than results.

We leave behind trust.

Growth.

And a sense of belonging.

Above all:True leadership is the courage to stay human in every pressure, every outcome, every season.