Do We Underestimate Men’s Ability to Understand Women’s Empowerment?

At Her Leadership Playbook, we believe that leadership conversations should be dynamic, diverse, and thought-provoking. This month, as we reflect on International Women’s Day, we are sharing two very different perspectives on gender dynamics in leadership.

For many, having strong male sponsors and advocates has played a significant role in breaking barriers. On the other hand, we need to challenge the idea that women’s empowerment should depend on male validation and asks whether we sometimes underestimate men’s ability to engage in these conversations without defensiveness.

These are complex topics that spark different reactions.

We invite you to read, reflect, and share your thoughts: How do we define allyship? Should women still feel the need to be careful when advocating for change? And how do we push forward without diluting the conversation?

✍️ By Pınar Koyuncu Oktar

Even as more women rise to leadership positions, an invisible barrier remains—the fear of offending men. Women in executive roles still walk on eggshells, carefully structuring their words, their decisions, and even their advocacy for gender equality to avoid making men uncomfortable. But why?

For decades, women were told to be “likable” to succeed. Assertiveness was labeled as aggression, confidence as arrogance, and directness as being difficult. Many women learned to soften their communication, choosing diplomacy over directness, even in moments that demanded bold action.

But leadership requires clarity, decisiveness, and conviction. If men in power do not feel the need to cushion their words or avoid uncomfortable conversations, why should women?

The real question is not why women fear offending men, but why we do not trust men to handle these conversations maturely without expecting gratitude for simply being present.

There is often an assumption that discussions about women’s empowerment will automatically put men on the defensive. This leads to diluted conversations, avoiding direct calls for action in favor of vague “inclusive” language that keeps everyone comfortable.

But here’s the truth, not every man is trapped in toxic masculinity, just as not every woman needs empowerment.

There are plenty of men who understand, support, and advocate for gender equity without feeling attacked. The problem is that many leadership cultures still operate under the outdated idea that any shift toward female empowerment must come at the expense of men.

I recently had a discussion with my husband about this. I asked him what he feels when I talk about women’s empowerment, whether through my own experiences or stories from my coaching sessions. His answer was simple but eye-opening. He said, "I listen, I understand, and I learn. I am not offended because this is not something I do. If it is something I am unaware of, I just learn and act accordingly in the future. We all have biases, but we can change, learn, and even be proud of that growth." This is the mindset shift we need where conversations about gender equity are not about blame but about awareness and action.

Somewhere along the way, the word feminism started making people both men and women feel uncomfortable. Women hesitate to call themselves feminists in corporate spaces, fearing backlash or being seen as too radical. Men, on the other hand, often associate feminism with being anti-men, rather than a movement advocating for gender equality.

Why is it that when women advocate for their rights, it is seen as a threat? Why has feminism been twisted into something negative when, at its core, it is about fairness, balance, and creating opportunities for all?

We never tell men they need women to succeed, yet women are constantly reminded that their empowerment should be dependent on male support. This double standard continues to fuel hesitation around feminism, making women feel like they must constantly justify their stance rather than own it with confidence.

This dynamic is shifting with younger generations who are more open to discussions on gender equity. However, the rise of anti-woke culture brings new challenges. The same voices pushing back against feminism claim that equality has already been achieved, dismissing ongoing disparities as unnecessary debates. This false narrative is not only misleading but harmful to progress.

Women in leadership do not need to tiptoe around men’s feelings when advocating for fairness, representation, or systemic change. True leadership means trusting that men who understand the value of empowerment will stand alongside women without expecting to be celebrated for it. It requires challenging outdated notions that equality is a threat rather than a benefit to all. It also means recognizing that it is not a woman’s job to make gender equality palatable to men, it is everyone’s responsibility to embrace fairness. Finally, it involves reclaiming the word feminism for what it truly is: a movement for equality, not a weapon against men.

It is time for women in leadership to stop filtering themselves in fear of offending men who were never willing to listen in the first place. The right men will engage, support, and push for the same changes that benefit everyone without requiring applause for simply acknowledging the problem.

Feminism is not an attack. Women’s empowerment is not a trend. And gender equality is not up for debate.

While younger generations are embracing these conversations more openly, anti-woke culture poses a real threat to continued progress. Dismissing feminism as an outdated or unnecessary movement does not mean gender inequality no longer exists—it only means people are choosing to ignore it.

References:

1. Sandberg, S. (2013). Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. Alfred A. Knopf.

2. Catalyst (2023). The Persistent Barriers to Women’s Leadership.

3. World Economic Forum (2023). Global Gender Gap Report.

4. Harvard Business Review (2022). Why Women Are Still Missing in Executive Roles.

5. UN Women (2023). Gender Equality in the Workplace: The Next Steps.

6. Williams, J. C., Phillips, K. W., & Hall, E. V. (2016). Tools for Change: Boosting the Retention of Women in the STEM Pipeline.